Monday, September 29, 2008

Barbie Again??

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Idaho market:

Sun Valley Barbie: She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
Eagle Barbie: The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Garden City Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Boise Foot Hills Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Pocatello Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Ketchum Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.

Buhl Barbie: This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Mountain Home Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Boise East End Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Boise East End Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Mountain Home Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Idaho Falls Barbie: She's perfect in every way, mainly due to the high levels of antidepressants in her system. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.
Phew! No West Boise/St. Anthony Barbie. I'm safe. For now.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I Love Picture Day

We finally had Valerie's pictures taken, a long-overdue activity. They turned out sooooooo well that I may have gone a little overboard. Where exactly do you hang 15 8x10 portraits? Photographers prey on the fact that you feel like you're leaving your children behind when you don't purchase every last one. In the future, I will need to only go to places that give you all the photos on a disc.

Here are the small little proofs they emailed to me. I will update with some better (i.e., bigger) photos once they arrive.

P.S. I know she's so cute and cuddly that you are simply compelled to stop by and give her a kiss. Feel free! I know how hard it is to resist.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Speaking of Christmas in September....

On second thought, Halloween in September may be more appropriate.
I think I need this Barbie. She has been released in honor of some anniversary of The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. I'm not a collector; in fact, she would be the only Barbie I own. Nor am I a huge Alfred Hitchcock fan. But some very disturbed part of my personality is deeply fascinated. I am sure that speaks volumes about my mental stability. Nevertheless, if you are feeling particularly generous today and need an outlet for your giving spirit, feel free to spread it this way.

Sign Me Up!!!

I am a magazine addict. Perhaps no one knows this better than my poor husband. He has begrudgingly hauled my "permanent" collection from home to home over the past few years as we moved around the state. I love Martha Stewart; he has a unique reason to hate her with a passion.

A few months ago I discovered that I could buy used/donated magazines from the public library for .10. You seriously would have thought I'd won the lottery. I was that excited! While the selection isn't exactly what I would call vast, I do usually find a few treasures to feed my habit.

So imagine my absolute delirium when I heard an advertisement announcing Maghound a few months ago. For a monthly fee, you get to choose which magazines to have delivered to your house. You can change your selections throughout the year. I immediately logged on, but was devestated to find that it was not operational yet. I signed up to be notified as soon as it was up and running. Today, the long awaited email arrived! And..... there is a free 30-day membership!! Woo hoo! Now I can try out all those magazines I wouldn't order before in case I didn't love them. It's like Christmas in September.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

If the Straitjacket Fits

Working in a psychiatric hospital for the better part of eight years was sure to leave lasting effects. I might be a bit of a mental health diagnosis hypochondriac.... maybe. Over the years I've wondered if I could possibly have Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Compulsive Eating Disorder, and so on, and so on, and so on. (I'm thinking it might be a good measure of self-preservation to disable comments for this post.)

Anyway, today I found a "syndrome" that I am absolutely certain I have and which, I am sure, is responsible for a significant amount of the frustration and anxiety in my life. It is called
"Preparing to Live Syndrome." The article I read was an awakening of sorts. While it was geared toward lawyers, I am certain that it applies to a much broader demographic.

JD Bliss sums it up this way: "Specifically, the problem is that 'we trade what we truly have'--the present moment--for a future that does not yet and might never exist. As a result, many of us seek relief in 'addiction, pay raises and promotions and all manner of frantic behavior.' Dolan points out that the present moment is 'the one moment of the only life we will ever have that we truly possess.'"

Hi, my name is Angela, and I am a compulsive list maker. I have more lists about more things than anyone I have ever met or even heard about. It's sick - no really, it is. I'm not going to lie, I've actually written things down that I had forgotten to write down but already done, just so I could cross them off my list. I am pretty sure if I started right this minute I could never possibly complete everything waiting on my various to-do lists.

When I'm feeling out of control or unhappy, I need only a pen and a piece of paper (or the back of an envelope, a napkin, my arm - just kidding - sort of), and I can outline all of the shiny happy possibilities for the future. I love imagining what I could potentially accomplish - later.

But every minute of the day, my precious lists taunt me, reminding me that I'm not accomplishing enough, not keeping up, not living my life to the fullest. I get so frazzled and overwhelmed that I check off very little. And I oftentimes have a difficult time enjoying the things I do accomplish or the time I spend with my family and friends. I always feel like what I am doing right now is at the expense of something I "should" be doing.

So, now that I have admitted I have a problem, what is the next of the twelve steps for this disease? "Dolan suggests that lawyers promise themselves: 'Today is the only day that belongs to me; I will live it the best way I know how.'"

Sounds so simple, right? Now if only "the best way I know how" wasn't open to so many differing interpretations... Maybe I should go make a list.