Monday, September 29, 2008

Barbie Again??

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Idaho market:

Sun Valley Barbie: She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
Eagle Barbie: The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Garden City Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Boise Foot Hills Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Pocatello Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Ketchum Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.

Buhl Barbie: This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Mountain Home Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Boise East End Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Boise East End Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Mountain Home Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Idaho Falls Barbie: She's perfect in every way, mainly due to the high levels of antidepressants in her system. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.
Phew! No West Boise/St. Anthony Barbie. I'm safe. For now.


Melissa said...

Where did you find this?? And how is it that there is no Rexburg Barbie? Complete with an unfinished degree, a student husband who sells pest control each summer, a Broulim's cart full of kids, and a sweet spirit? And once again, the northern part of the state is woefully unrepresented. . . You, my dear, would be some sort of Super Barbie!

~Russell and Rachel~ said...

that was so funny!!! i love the pocatello barbie!! i hope thats not what i look like!

Megan Blake Swensen said...

Ok, I know you were holding back. I agree with the whole Rexburg Barbie idea, and there had to be a St. Anthony one that was along the same lines as Pocatello.

Also, I think the Idaho Falls one should have been labeled Sugar City, or was that Barbie unavailable because she had already been translated?